The Ruins

The Ruins will, henceforth, carry the torch as the absolute worst horror film I have ever seen. I have seen many, many, many terrible horror films. Remember when I couldn't make it through more than 30 minutes of Sleepaway Camp? Well, this was somehow worse. This ultimate turd had everything wrong possible going for it. The main characters? Four whiny Americans. The villian? Sentient poison ivy covering an ancient Mayan Temple. I SHIT YOU NOT. This was adapted from a book, too. When I finish writing this I'm going to check to make sure this author has never won a National Book Award.

Three of our four heroic American college grads never make it down from the top of the temple. Blondie cuts herself to death, but only after accidentally stabbing her boyfriend. At this point, the kid going off to medical school in the fall cooks up a plan to get his girlfriend to safety. Luckily, he's shot full of arrows by the indigenous tribes gaurding the jungle from being infected by those who've had contact with the poison ivy on the temple. There's a German in there, too, but he's taken care of relatively early.

Steer clear.