Lust, Caution

Right before the shit is supposed to go down - assassination of the bad guy - Agent Deep Cover realizes she must save this guy she's been setting up and getting down with for the last few weeks/months (I'm a terrible judge of passage of time in films). The old guy makes an astonishing dash out of the jewelers office and dives headfirst into the backseat of his car and gets away. As it turns out, saving the old guy wasn't the best idea for Agent Deep Cover, as she along with the rest of her acting troupe/spy brigade is rounded up, taken out to what I think was the edge of a quarry, and shot one-by-one. It's such a shame Ang Lee isn't doing the new Hulk movie.

The Reaping

The little girl is actually an angel, not a demon, and the population of the town is revealed to be a satanic cult. Welcome to Topsy-Turvy Town, where the joke's on me/you/Hillary Swank's career. Yay!

Cloverfield

The US Government green lights its 'hammer drop' policy that the one army guy alludes to, right before the girl bitten by the monster more or less explodes. Anyway, right after you think the three remaining characters are going to escape to safety in the evacuation helicopter, the monster leaps up and knocks them out of the sky. The three somehow survive the helicopter crashing and end up in Central Park, where Hud, possibly the most annoying character ever in a film, is eaten by the monster. The other two find refuge under a bridge, film their final statements, and are blown to hell when Manhattan is leveled by a million bombs. I can't stress enough how annoying Hud is the entire movie. Other than that, it was perfectly entertaining.

I Am Legend

Will Smith discovers the cure for the zombie infection and hands it off to the woman and child he's ushered to safety, then pulls the pin on what has to be the most incediary hand grenade of all time, effectively killing himself, the legion of infected monsters that wandered over from the Resident Evil set, and detroying the multimillion dollar research laboratory he somehow built in the basement of his massive Manhattan brownstone. It was Saturday morning and I really had nothing better to do.

Blade Runner - The Final Cut

Harrison Ford is/n't a replicant. Choose your own adventure.

The Orphange

Turns out the kid got locked down in some hidden basement. His pounding for help was misconstrued by the mom to be ghosts, and he fell off the stairs and died. The mom ODs on pills to go be with the son and the other kids in the orphan afterlife, where orphans are at peace (but still orphans). Even the deformed kid seems to be happy. I lose an hour and forty five minutes of my life, and also, ghosts don't exist.

There Will Be Blood

There was blood. Lots of it. Daniel Day Lewis bludgeons that kid from Little Miss Sunshine. Also, Daniel Day Lewis is old and very drunk. He fell asleep on his bowling alley eating a pork chop. When he wakes up he keeps eating the pork chop. Then he kills the other guy.

But seriously, I really liked this movie.

No Country For Old Men

Josh Brolin dies
The villain gets away
Tommy Lee Jones closes the film with one of those country-fried, "well, ain't that sumpin'" moments.

Fade to black.

Sweeney Todd

Johnny Depp kills Alan Rickman, then kills his long-lost wife who Helena Bohnam Carter told him was dead. Turns out she wasn't, but had instead gone crazy. Johnny Depp then throws HBC in the giant furnace and she burns to death. The kid who was rolling with Ali G climbs out of the sewer and kills Johnny Depp with his barber's razor.

Kids, I tell ya.