Two-fer Tuesday - Twilight and Sex and the City

I internally debated for quite some time on whether or not to write ruins for these films, but then came to a solid conclusion - if the tastes of the readers of this here blog are anything like those of our editor, then they won't willingly touch either one of these movies with a 10-foot pole. So onto their respective coup de grace!

Edward is a vampire. Bella doesn't give a shit. They decide to be bf/gf. He won't make her an undead gf, much to her dismay. She survives an attack from an evil tracker vampire, and all is good in the mythical hood.

Big is a vampire. Carrie doesn't give a shit. They decide to be husband and wife. He won't make her his wife at the last minute, much to her dismay. She survies an attack from being stood up at the altar. Then a year or so goes by, and they really do tie the knot, really freals. Also, Samantha and Smith split for good, Miranda and Steve separate but then reunite, and Charlotte gets preggers. Good luck to her with making sure that the little girl she adopted from China a few years earlier never feels slighted or too different growing up. Confidential to Charlotte: we're watching you, and hope you're prepared for the second mortgage you'll need to take out in order to pay for Lily's therapy . Oh wait. You're both fictional.

PS We find out at the end of the movie that Big's real name is John Preston. Just sayin.