The Messengers

The drawback to finally ordering cable tv is I get 200+ channels of programming and still watch the same episodes of Law & Order and Family Guy I could have watched on normal broadcast television. The upside, without a doubt, is on demand. I now have access to more dumb movies than I could possibly have dreamt before. Robocop 3, anyone? Watched it recently. Who could blame Peter Weller for not donning that outfit for a second sequel. But on to the point of this shitty missive -

The Messengers is a textbook horror stinker for the new millenium. I don't know who writes this schlock these days, but CALL ME. I have 8 million retarded ideas and each is priced to move. The Messengers is up there with The Grudge, The Ring, The Eye, and all other 'The ___________" movies. As you might have surmised from such company, it is terrible.

Long story short

Haunted house - only little kid can see ghosts - ghosts terrorize troubled teenage daughter - I fall asleep on the couch for twenty minutes - daughter is attacked by ghost child - turns out the farm hand killed his family in house - farmhand attacks family - family hides in basement - ghosts in floor of basement pull crazed farmhandin mudpit/portal to netherworld.

Fin.

(fart sound)